An open letter to a douche

So we talked today and you said that your wife died. Sorry, but that does not give you license to be an ass.  We all have shit in our lives that pisses us off.  Not my fault.  I didn't kill your wife, you said she died from cancer.  Also not my fault.  In fact I'm pretty sure that being married to a douche like you made her lose her will to live.  if she didn't have cancer already she probably would have found another way to off herself.  I know I couldn't stand a future that included life with someone like you.  Maybe next time you decide to act like a nutjob you won't subject others to your rambling stupidity. 

Sincerely,

Me

We have lazy hookers

So there are hookers that work our downtown core.  Last night one of them was sitting in a lawn chair on the corner.  We drive by and my friend says "That's just sad.  Whatever happened to standing on the street corner or leaning against the lamp post?"  I was all "Yeah, and does she leave the chair there when she gets a customer, or does she fold it up and take it with her?  Or does she only do work from the chair?  Does it cost extra if she stands up? Is their some sort of kinky sex thing that involves a lawn chair? Is that in the kama sutra?  I wonder what it's called. Does she have a wooden leg or something?"  My friend says "That's just what this town needs--kinky amputee lawn chair wielding hookers"


I see a small business plan in our future. 

Sometimes the world smells like donuts...

...and sometimes it smells like dead raccoons.

There's an industrial bakery near where I work.  So you know where the donut smell is coming from....so where does the dead raccoon smell come from?  Is there some sort of roadkill processing plant down the road? 

"I smell better when I'm still alive"

Now to be fair it might not be  dead raccoons, it could be any dead animal.  Let it never be said that I limited your options.

WTF?